Penance
by Soulreciever
Summary: Hokuto chose to give her life for her brother's...chose to sacrifice herself to the Sakurazukamori...yet what if Seishrio refused to allow her to make this sacrifice...what if the change deep within his heart allowed him to show his first and last example
1. Mercy

Penance:

1: Mercy.

T: I'm on a bit of a fic idea roll at the moment and though I decided that my humour fic was probably better off on my own web page I'm quickly heading towards my target of 25 stories…waaa! I never thought I'd even get ten out without over heating my brain! Anyway randomness out of the way let's do the warnings shall we? It's again AU and being me there will be slash…though whether just hinted or actual I don't know at the moment…most likely spoilers for all of X and for TB 7 if you haven't yet read it! Oh and this will be DARKER than my want for fics…you have been warned! I am not a member of Clamp…this fact makes me sad so I will not dwell on it!

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The material of the Shifku itches and the fabric pulls tight against her front, flattening what little chest she has. Yet, today at least, she can not find the part of her that is usually concerned with such matters.

Today she has but one thing in mind.

Each step brings her closer to her goal, closer to the shadow of the tree that had once been her favourite place to be…now…

With each step she sees in her minds eye the pail, impassive, figure that her brother has become.

Sees the blank emptiness where once there had been such a well of emotion.

The man that waits for her beneath the sakura is the one who is to blame for this change and yet she can not bring herself to hate him.

Not when he, alone, holds the key to her brother's heart.

She looks to his blind eye as she draws closer, for in that pail expanse she can dissuade the doubts growing in heart and know that this man loves her brother…know that he will give anything to see him remain unharmed.

Even though her gaze never wonders from that blind eye she knows that he is smiling that cold assassin's smile, the smile that had first made her suspicious of him.

"You lied to me." She remarks, having no wish for formalities when the both of them know why she is here…know that only one of them shall leave here alive. "You promised me that you would not take Subaru away from me."

"Where did I take Subaru-kun?" The honorific sounds off on his tongue now, perhaps because for the moment he has lost the right to be so familiar with her brother or perhaps because she associates it still with the kindly veterinarian she had thought she knew.

"I can not kill you, but there is one spell that only I can perform."

"Is that so?" There is a danger to his voice now and she tenses, waiting for the blow she knows is to come.

His hands touch her face and he pulls her chin so that she is forced to look at him as he is now…forced to acknowledge that his heart and the hope it holds is buried deep within the apathy of his other nature.

"I know who you are, Sakurazukamori…kill me or I shall divulge your secret."

His smile eases in its intensity for a brief moment and he says,

"There is none for you to tell whom do not already know, Hokuto-chan and I think, for you, life shall be the greater punishment."

He leases her chin and in a flurry of sakura he is gone.

She is crying by the time she comes into the shadows within her brother's bedroom and yet this time she does not know what the tears are for…

Does not, for the moment, understand her own heart.

Her Obaachan has moved him so that he is lying in the bed and if it were not for his opened eyes she could almost believe him simply asleep.

She places a hand to his forehead and leaning close to him she tells him all that has occurred since she had left him…

Tells him most especially of the 'mercy' that Seishrio had shown her.

Perhaps it is her imagination but she could almost believe that he has registered the words… that he comprehends what they mean for the truth of the last thing Seishrio had told him.

………………………………………………………………………………

It has been a month since she saw Seishrio last and though she had looked hard for him he is no-where to be found.

She does not know why she expected anything else, why she hoped that once her brother had came just a little back to himself Seishrio would re-appear and they could settle again into the old ways.

But then maybe he waits vainly for her brother to become as he was before his revelation…maybe he waits, as herself, for the life to return to those inexplicitly open eyes.

Yet she began to see clearly that such a hope is vain, that though Subaru has found some purpose to get him moving again he shall not ever be the boy he was in that brief year.

She can still see the flustered joy that had been in his eyes the day that he had introduced her to Seishrio…

Such a familiarity had already been between then that she had believed that they had known one another for a while, rather than just having met and hour before as she had later been informed was the case.

She had seen, even then, the threat lingering in Seishrio's eyes and yet if he could learn to care for her brother…if he could learn to see how precious the happiness there in those glass green eyes was…

It was selfish, of course, for all she wished was for Subaru to care so passionately about something that he had begin to concern himself with his well being…would begin to actually live his life…

She has taken him for coffee today and he regards the liquid as though it is poison…

"Sensei asked again if you were coming back, Subaru."

He makes a non committal noise and his gaze moves to watch the bodies that pass by the window.

"Neesan, will you help me change?" He enquires after a moment.

"Change how, Subaru?"

"In every way I can."

"Why?"

He does not respond and she knows then that there can be only one reason why he wishes this.

Perhaps she shall again regret helping him back to himself and yet what is there left to risk?

"Yes…I will help you change."

He at last turns to drink his coffee and for a moment she can almost believe that there is a smile on his face.

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T: A slow start but already this fic is going somewhere other than I imagined and who knows it may end out being my best one yet…R+R to let me know where I'm going wrong!


	2. Engagement

2.Engagement

T: as yet nothing to ramble on about so onto the disclaimer…not mine and yep warnings the same!

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It has been a year now since that fateful meeting beneath the sakura and her brother has matured into a handsome and enigmatic man.

He smiles with more ease than he had in those first weeks and sometimes he seems so content that she could almost pretend the events of that last year were little more than a product of her imagination…

She has but to look at his eyes to see this is not the case…to see that his smile becomes almost as false as the smile of the one he loves.

He dresses still in the clothes that she tailors for him and yet now the styles are muted and elegant rather than loud and stylish.

This change, as with all the others that have come upon him, are as a reminder that he is growing into a man and she knows well what will be soon expected of him.

For the clan needs to be assured…stable…and now that he seems to have settled again into his duties as head, her Obaachan's thoughts will be turning to the matter of an heir.

Already Subaru has attended tea ceremonies with potential brides and though he seems clearly discomforted by these meetings he does not object to them.

If she was truthful she would say that this fact scares her…for it seems almost as though her brother was attempting to change his heart along with the rest of himself…attempting to erase Seishiro from his mind.

He is at one such ceremony today and she spends the time alone cleaning both their apartments and dealing with the complicated situation of her own romance.

She is just stirring from sleep when a faint sound for the living room sets her on edge.

Subaru would have announced his presence and animals were not allowed within the complex, so then what had caused the sound?

A casual thief or someone looking to rape her would have been dissuaded by the wards her brother has placed on both their apartments and so there can be but one person who waits for her now on the other side of the door.

He has not bothered to switch the lights on and so she can only make out his familiar silhouette through the soft light of the moon.

Yet even in such inadequate lighting he looks drawn…as though he has been ill or eating improperly.

She stifles her initial impulse to berate this clear sign of mistreatment of himself and instead comes to stand before him, her arms held firm at her side in a clear sign of defencelessness.

"I have been looking for you."

"I know."

"Then why have you decided to show yourself now, indeed why have you come to my apartment at such a late hour, Sei-chan?"

"I do not know."

This is the first truly honest answer she had ever received from him and she smiles to herself before she falls to her knees and takes a gentle hold of his hands.

"You said that you saved me because you believed it more punishment than death for me and yet that was not the case, was it?"

"I do not know."

He refused to meet her gaze this time and though he has never felt uncomfortable about lying to her before today she know that that is what it is.

"Did you save me so that Subaru would not hate you completely? So that he would think on you with just a little gratitude no matter what you had done to him?"

"Why would I want that? Why would it matter to me if Subaru-kun hated me or not?"

He seems genuinely confused and she is well aware that it is this complete naivety in regards to the matter of emotions that poses the biggest hurdle in establishing a relationship between her brother and this man.

Now is not the time to allow Seishiro to comprehend his emotions on his own and so she smiles and replies,

"It is because you love him."

"I am Sakurazukamori, I can not love."

"That is not true, Seishiro." He smiles then, one of the wide, blank, smiles she is so used to seeing on his face and then he says,

"Perhaps that is so and yet my love is a dangerous thing, Hokuto-chan, for it will kill me in the end."

"I do not understand."

"Nor should you, for it is one of the many secrets that passed between the Sakurazukamori."

She wishes to ask what this secret is and how it can turn something as pure and as precious as love into a thing of danger and yet…

She is not, nor ever will be, Sakurazukamori and thus she knows he will not answer her enquiry.

She decides, instead, to inform him of what has occurred since he had last seen her...inform him that he may soon lose Subaru completely.

"Obaachan has began searching for a wife for my brother."

She feels him tense and she knows then that it had been the right choice to tell him this.

"The line must continue, I suppose." He states after a moment.

"That is true, yet you know Subaru almost as well as I do and you know that he would not enter into such a contract with anything other than his whole self.

"Once he has agreed to a marriage then that shall be it…he will erase you completely from his mind and from his thoughts."

He raises his eyes to hers and for a moment she believes he will finally admit his heart and give himself over to any suggestions she might make as to achieving again her brother's trust, then there is a knock on the door and the enquiry of,

"Neesan, are you home?"

Seishiro is on his feet as she responds to the affirmative and he is all but out of the window as Subaru crosses into the livening room.

Their gazes lock for the briefest moment and then Seishiro is gone…the only indication he has been here at all the faintest aroma of sakura.

Subaru looks all but stunned; his eyes suddenly alive again with desire and confusion.

"Sei…sh…iro…san…" He mumbles before he falls to his knees and the tears begin.

She cradles him though she does not understand why he is weeping and then, once he has calmed, she tells him of what they had discussed…of the belief she is holding close to her heart…

"No, he does not love me." He responds eventually, his eyes falling blank again as he voices the words. "He was simply concerned as to whether his favourite toy had been mended or if it was still as broken as when he left it."

"Subaru…you are more than simply a toy to him…this you must believe."

"No…I can not…neesan…not when it hurts so…" He begins crying a new and she simply holds him…hoping beyond rational that there is a way to fix the damage to her brother's heart and to also bring life to Seishiro's.

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T: Warnings of bizarre logic in the next chapter but apart from that I don't think there is anything I want to tell you at the mo…R+R just so I know you care!


	3. History

3: History.

T: Glad everyone is (So far) enthusiastic about this fic especially as I have yet to feel 100 confident about it…most likely because it has yet to settle into any sort of clear plot…Silver Salamander is again allowing herself to be subjected to being my Beta so thank you! Warnings remain the same with the addition of odd logic…for this I blame the tree!

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They sleep curled together, almost as close now as they had been within their mother's womb.

Her brother's dreams are fitful things and more than once she awakens to the heartbreaking cries of Seishiro's name.

At breakfast he talks of the young woman he had met the day before and she knows, simply through the slight downturn of his lips, that he is trying to turn his thoughts away from the previous days encounter.

His willingness to humour their Obaachan is, as she feared, due to a wish to erase Seishiro from his heart…a wish to change everything about himself.

She can not allow him to commit to something as serious as marriage for such reasons and so once she is assured that he has eaten healthy she makes her excuses and catches a train to Kyoto.

She has not gone back since she left to join Subaru in Tokyo, not because she dislikes their Obaachan…but rather because Kyoto holds too many dark memories of being without Subaru…of being alone.

Her Obaachan is dressed plainly today, the style of the kimono she is wearing as such that it does not catch in the wheals of her chair.

Despite both her infirmity and her plain dress she is still an imposing figure and Hokuto can well understand why her brother still seems relatively nervous about her.

"It is good to see you looking so well, Hokuto-chan, especially when your disappearance had us all so very worried."

"Subaru is in love with him, Obaachan."

"With who?" It is as a casual enquiry and yet the grip of her hands upon the arm rest tells a different story.

"I think you already know, Obaachan."

The woman's eyes drift to watch the breeze and her voice blank she replies,

"He can not love someone who does not exist, Hokuto-chan."

"You may not believe me when I say this, Obaachan, but he does exist."

"No, it was simply the illusion of the Sakurazukamori."

"Was it an a illusion that I faced a year to this day, Obaachan? Was it an illusion who chose to spare my life because he knew how much my death would hurt Subaru?"

"The Sakurazukamori have no emotions, they do not comprehend things such as mercy or love…if he spared you then it was as part of the game."

Silence a moment and then she asks, at last, the one question she has never dared ask of her Obaachan.

"Obaachan, you talk always of the Sakurazukamori with sadness within your voice…I believed for a while that that was because you had foreseen thus tragedy occurring to Subaru and yet, even now, you utter that name with despair in your voice.

"Is that, perhaps, because someone you cared for died at the hands of the previous Sakurazukamori?"

"Yes… though not simply someone I cared for, but someone who Subaru and yourself could have loved also."

"Are you talking of Tousan?"

The woman sighs and turns to face her at last, an old, long recalled, pain in her eyes.

"Before he met your mother your father fell in love with the previous Sakurazukamori, Setsuka.

"He would not listen when I warned him of the dangers of loving such a creature and it was only when she dismissed him from her side as garbage that he realised all that she had ever told him had been lies.

"I had believed that that was an end to it but then after your mother died giving birth to the two of you he began talking of seeing Setsuka again…of trying to tie together the bonds between the families.

"The night that he died your father came to me to say that she had taken him back…that he was going to go to her today and make her his bride.

"I found his body on the doorstep the next day…a hole punched clear through his heart."

Hokuto's eyes dull, and she lets out a quiet sigh.

"Why did you tell Subaru and myself that Tousan died of illness?"

"Because I did not want you to think less of him, Hokuto-chan and because by the time I could talk to you because by the time I could talk to you of your father Subaru had already fallen victim to the current Sakurazukamori."

"Yet why would I think less of Tousan for doing all he could for his love? Why would Subaru's branding silence you?"

"To be honest I do not know why those things made a difference…I think that it was rather that I had want to preserve him always in my mind as my pure innocent Hideki and to admit that he had loves the enemy…I could not do it."

"Obaachan…you talked of the 'dangers of loving such a creature' and Seishiro said that his love was a dangerous thing…yet why?"

"Because of the heart of the Sakurazukamori curse…because of their greatest secret."

"Do you know what it is, Obaachan…did Tousan learn the secret of that line and impart it to you?"

"No, I know the secret as it was one of the Sumeragi who placed this curse upon the Sakurazukamori…one of the Sumeragi who so bound the hearts of that line."

It made sense, of course, the Sumeragi and the Sakurazukamori existed in tandem, with each acting upon the previous action of the other in an unending cycle.

Yet her Obaachan had piqued her curiosity and she enquires,

"Why was the curse created and what is the secret of the line?"

"Before the spell was created the Sakurazukamori were of the worst kind…taking pleasure in their crimes and actually acting out their perversion in their day to day life.

"If they loved it was a vicious thing and always it ended in bloodshed and death.

"Our clans were already at odds…opposed for our use of our magic and simply in our outlook.

"When the head of the Sakurazukamori clan slaughtered one of the daughters of the head of our clan it was the last straw and a meeting was called within the clan.

"It was decided to bind the emotions of the clan…to remove any pleasure they derived from the act of killing…to make them nothing more thane empty shells.

"Yet this was not punishment enough for the head and when weaving the spell she placed within its binds a curse that is reflected well in the sakura that the clan serve.

"For never again would one of that line be able to re-produce…would be as their precious tree, stuck always within the bright bloom of spring, never to move into the fruiting of summer.

"The line had to continue, of course, for what is Ying without Yang, light without dark and thus she made it so that the line passed through the blood…made it so that the first death a Sakurazukamori was ever responsible for was that of their predecessor.

"With such a system any one could easily have become Sakurazukamori and so yet another layer was wound into the spell.

"It is this layer that the Sakurazukamori retain as their final secret and this layer is what makes courting the love of the Sakurazukamori a dangerous thing.

"For the one who kills the Sakurazukamori, who becomes themselves as that creature, is the one who the Sakurazukamori loves beyond all others.

"For the Sakurazukamori to love is to die."

For a moment she believes her Obaachan to be lying…believes that this is all some well crafted fiction to stop her from aiding her brother.

Yet when she sees the despair in the older woman's eyes…her heart filled with dread as she thought of what was to come.

If Seishiro truly loves her brother then it is Subaru who is to be the next Sakurazukamori…Subaru who will be the next to lose all that he was to the Sakura.

"Obaachan…if the spell is of the devising of our clan could it not be broken by one of its members?"

"All the layers of the spell are tied tightly together…to destroy one would be as destroying the whole thing…would be as leasing the true perversion of the Sakurazukamori upon the world.

"Can you say, truly, that you trust current Sakurazukamori enough that you could say that he would not change if he were given again his emotions?"

"Seishiro-chan is different from his predecessors, Obaachan. Setsuka raised him as though she were his own mother and thus he has never known a world with emotion…can not comprehend even such base things as jealousy and mercy.

"I can not say that leasing his emotions would not change him and yet I believe it might be as a change for the positive…believe that if he were allowed to feel he might learn to comprehend such a thing as remorse."

"Yet would such a feeling be positive for one such as he? As it is now the Sakurazukamori is the perfect assassin…the perfect counterpoint to the Sumeragi…to change that would be as changing the balance and that is always a risky thing."

"Yet did she who placed the curse not also change the balance?"

"Yes and we have paid dearly for it, for in every generation since that day one of the clan has fallen…be it to illness or murder…indeed yours shall be the first generation that had not fallen victim to this curse in many years."

"Many would call that karma, Obaachan and you have to recall that I only escaped this 'curse' because of the changing of Seishiro-chan's heart."

She claps her hands and one of her serving maids appears from the house, a small brown envelope clutched in her hands.

"I had thought to tell you this tale today, Hokuto-chan and I knew that you would say what you have said, thus I spent my morning researching the spell and have found a suitable countering incantation.

"Subaru and Subaru alone can perform this spell and it is to him that I wish you to give this envelope…wish you to allow him to make this choice on his own."

The older woman passes the envelope into her care and she clutches it as a lifeline.

"Take care, Hokuto-chan and please allow Subaru to do what he believes best even if you do not agree with him."

"Of course, Obaachan." She replies before the presence of the older woman is gone from her side.

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T: I blame the fact that I have been watching Chobits on father Sumeragi's name…I wanted something more serious but Chi kept repeating 'Hideki' in my head and thus we get this! R+R I need confidence!


	4. Decision

4. Decision.

T: Nothing in particular to point out again so I'm going straight to the disclaimers…not mine and warnings remain as usual the same.

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Her hands are shaking by the time she comes to her brother's apartment door and it takes her a great effort to still her hands so that she can actually knock upon the wood.

"Please, come in." Subaru sounds better than he had when she had left him, something that eases her tension the barest of fractions.

He is crouched over a spell book as she enters and it is clear, by the ceremonial dagger at his side, that he has been performing some spell or another…most likely one of a personal nature as he has not bothered to change into his Shifuku.

"I hope that you have not been doing anything too strenuous, Subaru."

"I was merely strengthening the wards, neesan, as it is clear that they were not anywhere near strong enough."

"I went to see Obaachan today."

"To talk about me?"

"I had no want for you to do something rash simply because you are hurting and marriage is the last thing one should enter into half heartedly…nor out of some odd desire for vengeance."

"I will not agree to marriage unless I believe it is the right course, neesan, and no matter what you believe I have no wish to avenge myself….

"Instead I wish only to erase the poison of his love from my heart and if I can no do that then…"

His eyes move to gaze out of the window and one of his hands curls up over his heart…she fears for what the gesture means and grasping for his fingers she enquires,

"Have you a wish to die at his hands, Subaru, to be as something more than glass to him for even the briefest of moments?"

"Perhaps."

"Subaru, I know that you do not believe me when I tell you that the things he said on that day were lies, yet it is true.

"You have won the bet between you and it is only now the spell of the sakura keeping him from admitting that fact.

"In this envelope is written a spell that can reverse that bind upon his heart and I give it to you now in hopes that you shall use it to set him free…use it to give yourself a second chance.

"The choice is yours though, Subaru and I have promised Obaachan that I shall not interfere, that I shall stand by whatever decision you make on your own." She remarks as she presses the paper hard into his hands and leaves his side at last.

……………………………………………………………………………

Within the envelope is both the spell and the tale of the beginnings of the bind upon the hearts of the Sakurazukamori…a tale that mentions also the curse of the Sakurazukamori's heart.

He can not help but feel pity for Seishiro-san… yet no matter the ties on his heart Seishiro-san had not needed to do as he had that day in the hospital room.

He had not needed to lie to him…

If indeed he _had_ lied to him…

His sister kept assuring him that it was clear Seishiro-san cared, clear that the older man felt for Subaru as Subaru felt for him and there was always the eye and her continued existence to prove that fact and yet…

The eye could simply have been lost in a need to keep the promise Seishiro-san had made at the beginning of the bet, the promise to protect Subaru from all harm and as for Hokuto…

Why would Seishiro-san have killed her when Subaru was the man's victim? When he was the one branded always with those inverted pentagrams?

There was that other truth also, that if Seishiro-san truly did love him that meant that Subaru was to be the next Sakurazukamori…that he was destined to kill Seishiro-san…

No matter what the other had done to him he could never do such a thing…

Not when killing Seishiro-san would be as killing himself.

His eyes wonders again to the white of the slip of paper he had long since place, out of reach, on the coffee table.

It was not right that Seishiro-san should feel nothing at all, that he should be fated to love only when death was near and yet…

What if in removing the binds on the older man's heart he finds him all he fears him to be? Finds him nothing more that a heartless murderer?

He did not fear Seishiro-san finding love in someone other than himself…indeed if such a thing brought the other happiness then he would welcome it.

Truthfully, he feared learning that his sister was right, that all the pain Seishiro-san had caused him had been so that Subaru might hate him enough to kill him…

That Seishiro-san had began to think of him already as his successor.

This time he stands and actually takes the paper into his hands before he catches himself again.

Why had Hokuto-chan not ignored her promise to Obaachan and begged him to use the spell?

Why had they given this spell to him of all people?

Could it have simply been because he was the only one with magic enough to perform the spell?

No, if that has been the case then there would have been no choice given to him in the matter, Hokuto-chan would simply have told him to incant the spell and that would have been an end to it.

He had been given the spell because he was the only one amongst the three of them with any right to choose Seishiro-san's future.

The only one who knew both the true Sakurazukamori and his illusionary self…

He could not change what had happened in the past and as with when Seishiro-san had lost his eye he knew that thinking such things would not help.

'All you can think about is what you can do, Subaru….about what you want.

It was odd that that advice came to him now, especially as in this situation it was not the most suited…for now he could not think only of his own self and yet…

He desired only to be selfish…

Desired only to give Seishiro-san this one chance…

Changing into the crisp white of his Shifuku he grasps onto the paper and folding onto his knees begins to chant.

Slowly a magic circle forms around him, glowing brightly on the ground and the air became charged with magical energy.

He realises, about half way through, that he will not have strength enough to both finish the spell and ward himself from the backlash of the magic.

Yet now he has chosen to take this action he will not retreat regardless of the damage to himself and thus he continues the spell.

The backlash is swift and for the first brief moments he believes he shall be able to fight it.

He is faintly aware of a strange dampness coating his skin and the harsh burning of the pentagrams upon the back of his hands.

This draws his attention and he manages to raise his eyebrows slightly as he realises that the dampness was blood, he closes his eyes, and with an exhalation of breath he fell into unconsciousness.

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T: Small cliffy there I'm afraid! I will tell you now that it's not going to be an easy road for our lads even though Subaru has now leased Sei-chan's heart…there are a few bits of baggage to offload before they come anywhere near to being relaxed together…still will keep you guys hanging on! R+R as I am a praise whore!


	5. Dreaming

5. Dreaming.

T: I'm just going to go strait to disclaimer because I have no wish to spoil what little plot this chapter has! Not mine and yep warnings the same!

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When he blinks back into consciousness he is met with the familiar grassed expanse of the space deep in his heart.

Why was he here?

'You are in a deep sleep.' This comes from a pale, effeminate man dressed in a stylish mix of clothes that recall his sisters fashion sense to him with such vividness that he enquires,

'Do you know Neesan?'

The man smiles and touching the cloth above his heart replies,

'I love her.'

There is a moment of silence and then Subaru asks of this other,

'You are here because you are a Dreamseer, is that not right?'

'I claimed that title once, yes.'

'Why no longer?'

'Because though I have still the gift to perceive both the future and the dreams of others it seems that gift is not perfect.

'Over a year ago I saw Hokuto-chan dying…saw one you loved slaughtered by another that you cared for…

"Yet that dream did not come to pass…her faith in that man proved well placed and she lives still.'

'Did he truly save her for love of me?'

'I can not tell you certainly one way of the other, for dreams are convoluted things at the best of times and the dreams of the Sakurazukamori are even more so.'

'Can I see?'

There is a hesitant moment where he believes this other will refuse him and then the green of the depths of his heart fades into a vivid darkness.

Amid this shadow stands a mirror and a figure that looks as the Seishiro that Subaru recalls still; with his glasses askew and the sweet smile clear on his face.

Within the glass of the mirror is reflected the image of Seishiro as he is now, the blind eye unnerving still to Subaru as he looks upon it.

The kindly Seishiro has blood upon his hands and as Subaru looks amid the darkness he sees the broken body of an almost doll like woman.

'She told me that the one I loved would be the one to kill me, the one to become Sakurazukamori next…' This is the Sakurazukamori, and as Subaru turns to look again at the mirror he notes that it is now the kindly Seishiro who is trapped behind the glass.

The Sakurazukamori regards the mirror a moment and then he smashes it, the pieces falling as cherry blossoms to the ground.

Beyond the frame of the mirror is a pathway made of skulls and as the Sakurazukamori crosses out onto its surface there is the faintest of crunches as his weight crushes the fragile bones.

The Sakura sits at the very edge of the path and stood within its shadow are a representation of Subaru as he had been within the year of the Bet and the man that he is now.

The Sakurazukamori regards the younger Subaru a moment, his hands stretching to trace the invisible markings upon the boys hands before he remarks,

'You are my toy and I am assure that losing you would be hurtful and yet…'

His hands rise to tangle into the hair of the younger Subaru, the gesture reminiscent of one ruffling the fur of a favourite pet, then he leases the boy and turns to the older Subaru.

There is a confidence about this image, a feeling of self satisfaction that the true Subaru has never felt…May never feel.

The Sakurazukamori raises a hand to smooth at the hair of this Subaru but is stopped by a strong hand gripping his wrist.

The older man looks confused a moment and then this confident Subaru gestures to a thin band of gold upon his wedding finger.

'No, you can not wed…not when you belong to me.'

The older Subaru shakes his head and purposely walks away from the shadow of the sakura, an unknown girl coming to join him at his side.

The Sakurazukamori has a hand pressed hard now to his chest and there is such confusion in his eyes that the true Subaru has to stop himself from crossing to comfort the older man.

'What is this pain?' The older man enquires before the dream fades away.

…………………………………………………………………………………

The dream is as so many that he had had before and yet unlike on these previous occasions the pain within his chest remains.

Not an actually physical pain, but rather, an odd almost hollow like sensation at the centre of his being.

Pushing himself free of the tangles of his bedspread he crosses though into the darkness of the living room.

He does not bother to turn on the lights; his eyes…eye…having long since gotten accustomed to filtering as much light as it could from the shadows.

Thus he spots, almost instantaneously, the fax that awaits him and placing the confusion brought forth by the dream to one side for a moment he settles into his chair and begins to read the information printed on the fax sheet.

It seemed Hokuto-chan was again trying to reach him, though by the details that had been sent to him, it seemed she was more desperate this time to find him.

Another pang of that sharp, empty, feeling and not understanding why he uses his gift to find out the marks upon Subaru's hands.

He finds them after a span of time that is not normal and regarding the pale light of their bindings, which should have shone as a star, he feels again that empty sensation.

His heart is beating faster now and he finds that he can not quite catch his breath.

What was happening to him?

What had happened to Subaru?

One person and one person alone could answer these questions for him without judging him, without asking too many questions…

He had to find Hokuto.

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T: The logic in regards to the inside of Subaru's heart is that it started off as this nice forest like place and that when Seishiro betrayed him the trees vanished into grass, then when, later on, he kills Seishiro the grass fades into the arid wasteland you see in one of the later Anime episodes.

As to the dream sequence…place you own meanings on the symbols! Oh and yes Seishiro is putting narrative to his own dream, but then I tend to do the same when I'm just falling asleep/waking up. R+R to feed a praise starved authoress!


	6. Emotion

6. Emotion.

T: Now that I actually know where the heck this story is going I'm happier in saying that it's going to get a little rocky from here on in…oh and the ending is rather mean…apart from that though warnings are the same and I'm still not a member of Clamp but as it is/was my 21st birthday on the 31st of July I may get lucky!

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When she had found Subaru earlier in the day she had feared the worst.

Her brother had been laid on his front in the darkness, vivid spots of ochre blood clear on his hands.

Upon turning him over she had learned that the blood had run from his nose and though that was still not a comfort the piece of paper she had found beneath him had been.

He had chosen to enact the spell then…had chosen one selfish act in hopes of making his world a better place.

Once her brother was within the care of professionals she had attempted to fins Seishiro, fearful of what would have occurred to him the moment that restraint on his heart had snapped and wishing to let him know about Subaru's situation.

Rather predictably the man had again vanished and dejected she had gone to sit at Subaru's hospital bedside.

It was all too reminiscent of the time, over a year ago, when he had fallen into the depths of his heart and it unnerved her enough that eventually she had to leave his side, had to free herself from the suppressive atmosphere within the room even should the worst occur while she was away from his side.

She bought herself coffee from the canteen and on a whim purchased also a packet of bitter chocolate biscuits, thinking to share half with her brother once he had stirred from his 'sleep' .

She had refused to say or even think that other word which the doctors kept repeating with steadily increasing depression in their voices.

Her brother was not in 'that state', their scientific minds could simply not comprehend how deeply magical exhaustion could make him sleep…

To believe the other was unthinkable, especially when she knew all too well what 'that state' could do to a body.

Once Subaru had found his way back to life after the Year of the Bet, she had steeled her courage and gone to see Kakyo within his hotel room.

The staff had looked at her as though she were mad…had informed her that the person in that room had no wish for visitors of any kind and then had simply deemed to ignore her when she kept perusing the enquiry.

She had had eventually to buy a room for the night and then she had gone to find the room on her own, something that it had taken a good hour to do.

Though there had been a card lock on the door she had had only to push at the doorway and it had swung inwards.

He had lain, comatose, on the bed, his body a pail, emaciated thing.

Her heart had ceased hard and holding hard to the tears she had come to his side, her hands finding out his and pressing hard into his skin, willing that heat and life might return to him again.

"Kakyo."

Now, so long after the event, she begins to weep, not only for the man she loves but also for the man who is her other half.

A hand comes to wipe her tears away and she glances upwards only to be met by a single warm brown eye that she recalls well.

"Sei…shi…ro…chan…"

"Why are you crying, Hokuto-chan? What is wrong with Subaru?"

There is panic clear in his voice and indeed looking at him clearly she can see both this emotion and a myriad of others within his eyes.

It is both a joy to perceive and a disconcerting; a joy for it means that the spell has worked and disconcerting because always before Seishiro had been the emotional strength in situations of uncertainty and confusion.

Now he seemed as frightened as Hokuto herself.

"Subaru is unconscious…is trapped within a coma."

There, she had said the hateful word at last, had exposed it and thus would not again be able to hide it.

"Why?" The question is hard, cold and angry thus she responds to it with an anger of her own,

"To save you…to take your empty heart and cram it so full of emotions that you would not know what had hit you."

"For me?" Again the confused emotional vulnerability in his voice that had been there when he had visited her that night over a month ago.

She takes his hands into her own and her eyes never leaving his one remaining eye she explains what has occurred since that last time…of her discovery of her Tousan's affection and of the truth of the Sakurazukamori curse.

Once that is done she tells him of the counter spell and of the choice Subaru had obviously made to set Seishiro free of the restraints of the tree.

"The two of you are playing a very dangerous game, Hokuto-chan."

"Maybe, but anything is worth the risk if it makes Subaru truly happy again."

"Yet as he is now he can not experience happiness or sadness…"

She wishes to tell him that it does not matter…that Subaru has gladly sacrificed himself so that Seishiro can experience such things and yet she does not believe the older man will understand.

Instead she pushes herself onto her feet and enquires,

"Will you come and see him?"

He nods and though she has no real wish to enter back into the stifling environment she still pushes the door open and crosses back into the room.

He moves from behind her once there is space enough for him to do as such and coming to her brother's side he takes Subaru's left hand into his own.

"He has changed a great deal since the last time we truly talked."

"That is true, and yet that physical change is nothing compared to the change of the soul that he has gone through…the change you forced upon him."

There is silence a while then Seishiro lifts the captured hand to his lips and kissing the back of it once he remarks,

"He fascinated me when I saw him on that day so many years ago, not simply because he was beautiful, but because his soul was the perfect mirror to my own.

"I wondered if I might make that fascination love…wondered if I could taint the purity of his soul enough that he would not think twice of killing me…of becoming my successor.

"Yet now…" He releases his hold on her brother and his hands clench into the material of his shirt.

His breathing has increased and she has the sudden irrational thought that he is having a heart attack.

"Seishiro-chan, what is the matter?"

"I do not know." He replies as on of his hands rises to tangle amid his hair. "Hokuto-chan…why does my chest ache so? What is this emptiness I feel whenever I think of being without him…?"

She cannot abide now the distance between them and rounding the bed she draws her old friend into a hard hug.

He smells of an odd cocktail of sakura and old blood that helps remind her of what she already knows…helps remind her that he is a murder…yet in this moment he is again the man in was in The Year of the Bet…

Is again the man she had believed lost forever.

"Seishiro-chan, can you not guess why that thought hurts…why you feel now empty and alone?"

"Hokuto-chan…" There is confusion clear now in his voice and though he does not say as such she knows that he is requesting her help…is requesting again her friendship.

"You love him, Seishiro-chan and though that fact has been made bitter by your actions it is still a thing of joy.

"Yet because of what you have done you will find, as I have warned, that my brother is not the boy he was…or the man he could have become.

"He has become hard and cynical…unwilling to trust even myself completely.

"Yet I think that if you try he will allow you to earn his trust again…will allow you to once again dominate his heart."

"Hokuto-chan, though I can not doubt that you believe I love him, I am afraid that I can not readily agree.

"He is special to me and yet to name that connection love would be risking far too much.

"To love, even free of the curse, is to endanger not only Subaru but my very profession…for to love…to care, even a little, for one person in my line of work is to make them as a target and I shall not see Subaru killed or hurt simply for my sake."

He steps free of her then and bending to place a gentle kiss on her brother's forehead he mumbles a good bye before he leaves her alone again.

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T: No that's not the ending, though it was tempting! Nope I won't tell you what's coming next!


	7. Stirring

7. Stirring.

T: He he! Rather than spoil things into disclaimer I go! Not mine and yes the warnings remain the same!

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His sister is curled up on a chair at the side of the bed when he stirs and though he wishes to allow her to sleep he knows she would not forgive him for waking without alerting her.

Thus he pulls himself into a sitting position and, once the room has stopped spinning, calls her name.

She stirs almost instantly and blinking once she brings him into a rib crushing hug.

"You had me so scared, Subaru…scared that I would never see you again…scared that…scared…"

"That I might end up like Kakyo?"

She starts and he sets a comforting hand into her hair before murmuring,

"Its okay, neesan, its okay…I'm not angry that you didn't tell me, I understand why." She settles then and kisses his forehead in a form of thanks before she enquires,

"Did he come to you while you were sleeping?"

"Yes."

"And you talked of his condition, of what he is and what his family force him to do everyday even though it …" She hesitates then and he can see the threat of tears in her eyes.

"Neesan, don't cry…not when I swore to make sure that he will break free from his prison…not when your tears hurt him more than anything else ever could."

"You did talk a lot, didn't you?" She enquires a faint smile clear now on her lips.

"Yes, but not simply about you."

"Did you ask him about Sei-chan?"

"I asked if he could tell me if Seishiro-san loved me and he told me that he couldn't…not certainly.

"Instead he let me see one of Seishiro-san's dreams and I now understand why he could not give me a clear answer."

The smile deepens and smoothing a hand through his hair she enquires,

"The symbols he sees in his dreams are very confusing, aren't they?"

"He saw you die beneath the sakura that day."

"He told me in a hope of dissuading my actions and yet I did not care about my life…

"I cared only that you would come back to yourself and live your life again."

"I do not think I could forgive him if he had killed you, neesan."

"Could you forgive him now, Subaru?"

"I do not know…I do not believe that I can forget what he said and did at the end of the Bet and yet…"

"You still love him."

"Yes."

She turns from him and fixates on a spot on the wall to his left before she enquires,

"Subaru…you are an Onmyoji and thus you and those you love are exposed, is that not true?"

"In a way, yes."

"Yet you do not fear to love because of that, do you?"

"No. I am aware always of how my profession puts you in danger and yet I could ask for nothing more that your support always at my side."

"I see."

"Neesan, why are you asking such an odd question?"

"Sei-chan came to see you a week ago."

He feels a wild and most likely irrational hope fly at him and he has to breathe deep to curb the excitement that that hope brings before he enquires,

"How is he?"

"The spell seems to have worked for he seems…emotional…yet he has no comprehension of what these emotions are and that confusion seems to unbalance him."

"Is he hurting?"

"No, or at least not in the way you mean. I believe his heart is aching for guilt and that that ache feels all the worse for never before experiencing it…yet as to physical pain…

"I believe the only way anyone could hurt Sei-chan would be to hurt you…that is, he implied as such when he was here."

"Then it was Seishiro-san who was talking of love being dangerous in our profession?"

"He did not care for the word 'love'…he said rather that 'to care, even a little, for one person in my line of work is to make them a target'."

"Do you think he was right, neesan?"

"As you said there is risk to being one loved by an Onmyoji…perhaps, even more so for one loved by Sakurazukamori and yet it would hurt more if I could not be at your side…could not know, always, that you were safe."

"Seishiro-san does not trust that I care enough for him for it to be as such for me."

"That is not true, Subaru…I think it is rather that Sei-chan fears still his heart, believes still that his love will lead to his death."

"Neesan…do you think that he will realise that that belief is wrong?"

"Perhaps." She replies as she turns to face him at last.

There is fear in her eyes and for the first time in a long time he truly smiles before he tells her,

"Do not worry, neesan, even if he does not come back for me I will stay here with you…all that matters to me is, after all, that he is happy."

…………………………………………………………………………………

The tree is, predictably, hungry and he sates its want before he finds out a little back water bar and orders the most extravagant cocktail on the list.

The clientele look of the unusual sort found in this type of bar and he amuses himself for a few moments by guessing sexual preference, gender and perversion before he bores of that game and decides to play another.

There is a particularly attractive woman in one corner, the deep red of her nails and her lips almost the shade of blood. With his mind still pacing down from the kill he finds this as a pull to him.

An odd allure.

He buys her a drink and they begin to talk about polite, empty things, which little interested him yet seem to amuse her greatly…though perhaps this is as a part of her act.

He had known her for a whore the moment he had set his eyes on her and thus he is little surprised when she presses herself close to him and suggests they go 'elsewhere'.

There is a temptation to do as such…to drown the cacophony of emotions within his heart with something mindless and yet…

Deep within his mind a pair of glass green eyes stair out at him with a childlike wonder and he knows that this, at least, he can not do.

Knows that there shall never be anyone other than Subaru who he will allow that close again.

Thus he buys her another drink and explains, as politely as he can, that he is not interested in what she is offering him…

That he wished only for a friendly ear.

Despite the politeness he still receives almost the entire contents of the glass on his shirt and to maintain his charade he berates her for staining the fine silk.

She screams at him then and the bartended asks them both to leave in that oh so polite yet threatening manner that bar tenders have long since perfected.

A random man steals the whore away from him and she utters one last parting remark before he is alone on the street.

He lights a cigarette and as he inhales the smoke he finds that, at last, calm has settled into his heart.

'You love him' Hokuto-chan's voice echoes through the calm and he breaths deeply in an attempt to maintain the serene state that he had fallen into.

It seemed he could no longer run from this.

Wrapping an illusion about himself he returns back to the hospital and calculating which window belonged to Subaru's room he leaps.

Subaru is awake and Seishiro feels a little of the odd ache fade at this realisation, however…

However looking at Subaru's waking eyes he can at last see what Hokuto had meant what she had told him 'that physical change is nothing compared to the change of the soul that he has gone through'.

Before Subaru's eyes had been as glass with the bright purity of his spirit shinning through for all to perceive, now…

Now his eyes were as the ones that Seishiro saw always in the mirror.

"Subaru…what have I done?" He enquires as he sets a hand against the misted glass of the window.

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T: Yep things are progressing nicely aren't they? R+R as I need my fix as much as you need yours!


	8. Observation

8. Observation.

T: Well I enjoyed the brief holiday and now I'm back with a vengeance so watch out world! Comixoriole… firstly I'm glad you're still sticking with me despite the irritation, the fics take time to upload now as there are two schedules to consider, mine and Silver salamander's…as to the spelling issue the only thing I can think of is that I deal with UK English rather than US, otherwise I'm stumped considering I have both a spell checker and Silver Salamander to make sure that my mistakes are a minimum! Anyway moving on…X is not mine and the warnings remain the same, so on we go!

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His neesan had, under his instructions, gone home to get some rest and thus apart from the occasional visit from one of the nurses he is now alone within his room.

Its is, therefore, strange that he feels as though someone is watching him…as though some invisible eye is regarding his every action.

After an hour as such he risks the incantation of a warding spell and is pleased when he does not feel overly affected by this exertion.

He is healing well.

The feeling of being watched does not fade and he is tempted to put it as a figment of his imagination before another possibility enters into his head.

Pushing himself up out of the bed he cracks open the window and breathes in the air a moment before returning to the bed.

There had been a faint smell on the winter air that should not have been there, the fragile sent of the sakura and he had known, the moment he smelt it, what it meant.

It was Seishiro who was watching him.

He knows that he should be unnerved for the fact…knows that there is a good chance that Seishiro is here to see if there is a need now to kill him and yet…

Yet there is the other possibility also.

When he feels the eyes regarding him again he smiles and stealing his nerve remarks,

"You need not hide in the shadows, Seishiro-san."

There is a chuckle and then the older man is there in the window, his face still in stark silhouette.

"I had thought that I had alluded you and yet…" He steps then into the room and Subaru finds himself shivering for the emotions there in his one remaining eye.

"Thank you for visiting me while I was unconscious, Seishiro-san."

"Your sister was very afraid for you, Subaru-kun."

"She had a right to be, what I did was very selfish and silly."

"Do you regret the choice you made?" He enquires as he comes to stand at Subaru's bedside.

"Never." He replies as he stretches to tangle Seishiro's fingers into his own.

"You have changed so much through my actions on 'That Day' and yet still you are so very kind, Subaru-kun."

"I know and that kindness proves still my weakest aspect."

Seishiro releases his hand and settles onto the bed, his weight enough to tilt the mattress and force Subaru's body to slide into his back.

Though the air outside had been chilled Seishiro is warm, a fact that Subaru marvels a moment in before the older man remarks,

"I do not understand why you have done as you have done for me, Subaru-kun, especially considering what I did to you on 'That Day' and yet…

"Yet though I do not know whether this shall prove a disadvantage for me, I wanted to thank you for that choice."

He feels his cheeks heat and he is thankful now that the older man is, for the moment, turned away from him.

"I love you, Seishiro-san, that is why I did as I have done and why I do not wish for your thanks."

He has closed his eyes tightly in hopes of vanishing completely now that the confession has at last broken free of him, thus he hears, rather than sees, Seishiro standing and thus believes the older man is making to leave.

Though he had not had any true hope that his feelings might be reciprocated he feels traitorous tears stinging at the insides of his eye lids and he rolls away from the older man, the IV line tangling about him as he does as such.

"Subaru-kun…will you open your eyes, please?"

Though he has every right and every good intention he finds he can not disobey that command and opening his eyes he is met with the gentle, caring, smile that he has dreamt so often of since 'That Day'.

"Sei…shi…ro…san…"Again he mumbles that name from his lips as though it is poison and yet this time it is not the comfort of his sister that he receives but the comfort of Seishiro's embrace.

Here in the arms of the one he loves beyond all others he can forget that 'That Day' ever occurred…can make believe that he is still the Subaru he had been within the Year of the Bet and yet…

With a sudden startling realisation he recalls the dream that Kakyo had shown him…recalls how dismissive the Seishiro within the dream had been of the Subaru of that time…

He pulls away and looking the older man squarely in the eyes he enquires,

"What, if anything, do you feel for me, Seishiro-san?"

He raises a hand to caress Subaru's face and he responds,

"You are special to me, Subaru-kun…enough that the thought of harming you…of another taking you from me…hurts.

"Yet I do not understand how you are special to me and thus I shall not take the easy rout and tell you that I love you."

His honesty stings a little, yet it is as comfort that he is being honest and not wishing to loose the opportunity Subaru enquires,

"Do you think of me still as a possession, Seishiro-san?"

"No."

"Do you think of me as you think of Hokuto-chan?"

"No." He smiles then and pulls me again into the comfort of his arms, "Subaru-kun is unique in my heart."

Feeling more than a little daring Subaru places his hands to either side of the older mans face and enquires,

"Do not some people define love as a feeling that one person, and one person alone is unique to you?"

"I have heard some say as such."

"Then perhaps it is possible that you love me…or begin to do as such."

"Perhaps."

He feels his heart leap and touching his lips he realises that he is smiling wider than he ever had before.

Seishiro takes his hand into his own and he looks deep into Subaru's eyes a moment before he dips and they are locked into a kiss.

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T: Da dah! One kiss and it only took eight chapters! Seriously this moment just evolved as I was writing and so though it seemed oddly spontaneous I left it here because clearly the chemistry was right for it! R+R And I'll be your friend for life!


	9. Promise

9. Promise.

T: Bit of a chunky chapter this time and a few liberties on my part as far as characterisation goes…will make sense soon enough! Apart from this I'm fairly sure that the warnings remain the same and I know for fact that I am not a member of Clamp.

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The ache fades from his 'heart' as their lips touch and he is instead, barraged with a flush of warmth.

He finds himself wishing, desperately, to deepen this contact, to take from Subaru all that the younger man is willing to give.

Yet no matter how simple Subaru had made it seem he still could not truly name his care for the other as love.

Thus he pushes away and placing hid fingertips to the younger man's lips he says,

"I shall not steal away what little faith you have in me, Subaru-kun and so though I want only to continue this I shall not."

The younger man is breathing harder now and there is a look in his eyes that causes Seishiro's breath to hitch.

"Why?"

"Because I am not yet certain and taking this step while that is the case would be as deceiving you again."

"It seems you too have changed since 'That Day'."

"Yet unlike you I have not changed by choice and thus the change shall take me time to accustom to."

Subaru catches him into a deeper, truer, kiss and again he feels what can only be desire encroaching upon his mind.

Eventually the younger man pulls away and his eyes full again of that luminescent beauty which Seishiro recalls so very well from before the Bet's conclusion.

"I will never stop loving you, Seishiro-san and so I wish to give you the time you need to sort yourself out.

"I wish you to promise me one thing, however; wish you to promise that whatever you believe the feeling you have for me is you shall come and tell me.

"Even if the news should be bad….even should you find that you think of me only in desire…I wish to know."

"I promise, Subaru." He remarks before he at last leases his hold upon the younger man.

He allows himself a moment to take in the beauty of the man who had, for years, captivated him and then he steps back out through the open window and jumps free into the night.

………………………………………………………………………………..

He dressed in a deep emerald green suit and his smoothed his wayward hair in an attempt to make himself look as mature as he can.

The house is a large imposing thing of a western design that adds an extra air of decadence to the abode.

He is greeted, predictably, by a maid dressed in a traditional summer Yukatta who bows and enquires after his name,

Once he has replied her manner stiffens into a formality he believes he would not have received had he been of a lower born family.

He is taken to a room at the very back of the house at which point the maid leaves his side at last and steps though the door to introduce him to his host.

When she returns he expects to be shown in and yet she simply bows and leaves him to step into the room alone.

He is surprised to learn that his host is a woman of obvious western decent and once he has bowed in greeting he can not stop himself from asking,

"You are the head of the household, are you not?"

She smiles brightly and gesturing for him to sit she replies,

"I suppose I am not what you expected Sumeragi-san and yet you are not what I thought you would be either."

"Forgive any offence my assumption may have caused you…"

"There has been not offence taken…I am aware that in this country there are still a few expectations and for a 'Gajin' such as myself to be the head of an ancient family is all but unthinkable.

"Yet after my husband passed away there was no other who could undertake the rule of the family without destroying all that it stood for…without destroying the ancient traditions that make the blood of out line strong and thus I took up the mantle of leadership."

"This house and the odd way that we were introduced are because of your influence?"

"Yes, I have found that the more informal traditions of western culture tend to relax my guests and as to the house…I pined for my home country and thus my husband built this to be our family home.

"Yet you came here for purpose other than to listen to me muse on the past, I am sure."

"I wished to talk to you about your son."

Her eyes dull and absently she rubs at the flat of her stomach before she enquires,

"Is it not a little late for and Onmyoji to be coming to me for that purpose?"

"For what purpose?"

"The exorcism of my son's sprit."

"Perhaps you have me confused, I was talking of your son Kakyo."

"Yes, that is correct. He died eight years ago when his father's car was rammed into by another vehicle coming the wrong way down the road.

"It was an accident from which my husband's mentality and later his health never recovered from and that I have tried to put far from my mind."

"Forgive me I the enquiry seems off or uncaring, but did they allow you to see your son's body?"

"No, my husband told me that he believed Kakyo's injuries were too extensive for me to see him."

"What sort of a man was your husband, Kizuki-san?"

She seems curious as to the sudden change in subject and then her eyes fall closed before she remarks,

"He was a very traditional man and he was also a very suspicious man.

"It was for the word of a fortune teller that he came to America in search for a wife and it was for the word of the same fortune teller that he began to talk of training Kakyo in the art of Dreamseeing.

"Though he showed a gift for such things even when he was younger I refused to allow my son to be forced into anything he did not wish to do and this we agreed to wait until he could choose for himself what his future was to be.

"A week after that came the accident and Kakyo never got to make the choice…never got to have any sort of a life at all."

Subaru watches the tears falling down her face for a moment and then he says,

"There was no accident, Kizuki-san, I believe rather that your husband chose the words of a fortune teller over your wishes and gave your son into the care of people who would train him as a Dreamseer.

"The illness your husband experienced in the years after the accident was due to the guilt of seeing you grieve for Kakyo when he was not actually dead."

"You will understand if I ask you to leave now, Sumeragi-san."

"Please, Kizuki-san, you have to listen to me. Kakyo is being forced to remain in a comatose state and it he is not brought out soon then I fear for his long term health.

"I can see that you loved your husband and thus I understand your reluctance to believe me, and I ask only that you accompany me to the hotel where he is currently being held."

"You have a trustworthy face, Sumeragi-san and your eyes tell me that you believe what you are saying.

"Though it shall mean doubting my husband, shall mean believing that he lied to me about a most important thing, I will come with you." She remarks as she gains her feet.

Hokuto had warned him that the hotel staff would not help them in regards to that particular room and thus Subaru uses his name as an excuse to cross into the hotel proper without enquiry or a need to register.

He finds the room using Hokuto's directions and with his sister before him he finds no resistance in entering into the room.

He hears Kizuki-san's breath catch and then she is at the man's side, her hands clasping hard into his hair and tears streaming again down her face.

"Why…why would he lie to me about this? How could he look at me every day and smile when he knew that our child was here like this?"

"To him the fortune teller was informing him of things that had to be and meeting you, falling so very much in love with you, only helped prove to him that it was as such.

"He could see how much you wished Kakyo to be normal and knew you could never change your mind. However, as far as he was concerned Kakyo had to be a Dreamseer and so he did the only thing he could."

"Every year he took me to his gravestone and watched me cry for the sake of his stupid superstitions…" Her fine fingered hands raise to touch her son's face and she murmurs,

"Forgive me, Kakyo,"

There is the faintest of movements from the man's frail form and then a murmured enquiry of,

"Kasan?"

"I'm here, Kakyo and I'm never letting you go again." She replies as she kisses his forehead.

"Kasan." It is stronger than before and looking to the older man Subaru realises that he is at last awake…that he has stopped his sisters greatest fear from becoming reality.

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T: A few things before I trundle…It seemed right to me that now that Sei-chan has admitted Subaru is 'special' he will have no want of hurting him and thus the choice to leave until he has his emotions clear is a logical one.

Looking at Kakyo I can not but help think that he has mixed blood in him somewhere so why not from his mother? The idea that one of his parents believed him dead evolved from the complicated mess of my mind and as it fit in it went! It must be said that I suspect the 'fortune teller' was Hinoto; she likes to meddle, after all!

Finally Kakyo's sudden waking is through his desire to see his kasan again now that he knows she too was not a part of the conspiracy…sweet isn't it?

R+R and I may change the very nasty ending that is in store!


	10. Desire

10. Desire.

T: Well we're finally at the last chapter…ta to those who have stuck with me! Not spoiling anything here so onto disclaimer…not mine and warnings are the same…oh with the addition of an OC…come back she's not a Mary sue I promise!

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Shortly after Kakyo first awakened from his coma Hokuto spent nearly all her time at his side, leaving Subaru more or less alone for a time.

Without the comforting bubble of her unrelenting joy he could not pretend that everything was okay…could not pretend that he did not spend every night simply watching out of his window for some sign that Seishiro had at last made a decision.

It had been a year since their encounter in the hospital and still there had been nothing.

Hokuto had been adamant, at first, that the older man would return soon and yet Subaru had not informed her of that meeting…of the promise they had exchanged…thus as the months had drawn on her certainty had faded, leaving Subaru to keep faith on his own.

He felt guilty, of course, for leaving his beloved sister out of the loop and yet that moment in the hospital had been so personal, had been so completely his that he wanted to keep to himself…a need to guard it selfishly.

Thus he had set his fate and he had no choice but to guard his hope alone…had no choice but to stand alone when he had informed Obaachan that he could not wed… tell her that that his heart had already a claim upon it.

There is a soft click as Hokuto steps into his bedroom and then light floods about him, its presence unwelcome after so many hours simply staring at the darkness beyond his window.

It is clear from the folds in his clothing that he had fallen asleep in them and as his sister regards his general appearance of disarray he believes he has at last been found out.

However, she simply shakes her head and remarks,

"You need to learn that no matter how busy you are you have to have a moment to look after yourself, Subaru." Before she ruffles his hair playfully.

There is an opportunity here to tell her the truth rather than allow her to continue believe the lie, he makes his decision and ignoring the twinge of selfishness within his heart, reaches for her hand and informs her,

"Neesan, Seishiro came to see me while I was still in the hospital."

"Did he hurt you, Subaru?"

"No, instead he gave me the greatest of gifts.

"For he told me that I was unique in his heart and that he would not deceive me into believing that he loved me when he was not sure if that was indeed the case.

"I made him promise that he would come back to me when he was sure of his feelings for me…made him promise to come and speak to me even if it was bad news."

"How long ago was this?"

"A year." He replies as he sets his free hand against the glass in front of him.

He feels her lease his grip, sees her reflection moving before her arms are about him, the heat of her body making him feel again warm and protected.

"It is a wonder that he agreed to such a promise, Subaru and a show of how much it means to him that you do not hate him.

I am sure that he shall come back to tell you that he loves you, after all why else would one such as he make such compromises in his life?"

"Desire and love are things easily confused, neesan, especially when Seishiro still does not understand which emotions are which."

"If it had been simply desire then he would have taken advantage of you rather than holding back as he did."

He feels her hope lift his spirits and smiling he tells her,

"You are right, neesan."

……………………………………………………………………………..

The welcome smell of Ueno park enters his nose and but a moment later the voice of the tree is all but screaming in his mind.

He found it rather amusing, if the truth be known, especially as he has not particularly planned to go to England, it had simply happened organically.

Thus he had not had time to warn the tree that he would be absent or feed it enough that it could cope without him for a few weeks.

The three weeks he had spent in the foreign country had been both peaceful and enlightening…peaceful due to the complete absence of the tree and enlightening because of the company he had kept while he had been there.

Her name was Laura Jones and he had met her in a small coffee bar in Northern Tokyo…her open, gentle manner enough of a fascination to him that they had struck up a friendship of sorts.

A week after meeting Laura had invited him to come to meet her family and it had sounded amusing enough that he had agreed without thinking through the consequences of that choice.

On the plane ride over to England she informed him that she was in the middle of planning her daughters wedding and that she had been in Tokyo in search of possible locations in which to hold both the ceremony and the reception.

Curious as to why she had flown so far when there were venues enough in her own country he had asked for her reasoning, to which she had replied that it was for her daughter's sake.

The man she was to marry was Japanese and her daughter loved him enough that she had abandoned her childhood dream of a white wedding and had opted instead for a traditional Japanese ceremony.

Laura's daughter had proven as much an intrigue as her mother and at the end of his first week in their house he had asked the bride to be of how she defined love.

She had been surprised at such a direct question and then giggling slightly to herself she had enquires,

'Why do you wish to know, Seishiro-san…are you in love?'

'I do not know.'

She has stopped laughing then and had asked him a few seemingly innocent questions before she has smiled and reaching for his hand had told him,

'I think that you know the answer to that question, Seishiro-san…believe that you have bottled them up here…' Before she had raised his hand to the level of his heart and left it there.

It had taken him time to understand what she had meant by that and then, with that revelation clear in his mind, he had known the truth.

He had said his goodbyes, assured that Laura had every scrap of information she would need to get hold of him when she was again in Tokyo and then he head headed home.

Dragging himself free of the recollection he assures the tree that he shall not again abandon it before he goes in search of a victim to feed to the thing as way of an apology.

Once he has performed this task he steals a few choice blooms from the trees branches and then leaps out into the night his mind full of but one thing. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

T: Yep that's it…Warned you it was nasty! Sei-chan needed an unbiased view of his emotions to clarify things and though a little reserved on occasion us Brits are not afraid to speak our minds when we feel its necessary…thus Laura and her unnamed daughter born! R+R then go and have a gander at The Search (shameless plug) It'll give me joy!


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